Bossy...

My daughter is "bossy", she is always ordering people around and always has an opinion to share (hmmm...sounds oddly familiar). I have a 9 year old niece and she's another bossy one. During her dance recital she could be heard telling some of the other girls that they were in the wrong places, actually during the performance. Just the other day I was with my 12 year old cousin and she's another one just conversing with me as if she was an adult, lots of attitude and lots of opinions. Normally this bothers me and with respect to my own child, I have often chided her about her bossiness. I have warned her that she needs to know when it is appropriate to speak and too not be in everyone's business. I caution her to mind her manners, things like that. Well, recently I read the attached article in Newsweek- We're Bossy and Proud of It which discusses the inherent sexism that lies within my comments. They act as a silencer, so to speak and discourages her from doing what comes naturally to her, from trusting her instincts. Oddly, enough when I think about the kind of woman I want her to be, it is the kind that doesn't take crap from people, who is overwhelmingly confident and is able to speak her mind and can run shit! That's the kind of woman I want to be when I grow up. Additionally, I know as a black woman she is going to have to be stronger, smarter, more outspoken to get what she wants out of life, so there lies the irony, why am I getting in the way of that. It's not going to be okay with me that she say and/or do anything she wants, but I will think twice about how I encourage her to consider that there are many ways to express who you are and what you want and I am going to try to refrain from calling her or any other little girl I know "bossy".

Post script: Just like me...

I've been thinking about what I wrote and 3 things came to mind.

1. I hope I didn't sound all high and mighty waxing all poetic about being the best parents that we can be.

2. I didn't write it because that's how I am with my kids, I was writing about how I want to be with my kids.

3.How in the hell do we do this job, without question the hardest one there is?

Yesterday, I was not successful in reaching that goal. I completely lost it with my son in the morning. Now to be fair, he was pushing my buttons (really hard, like leaning on a car horn hard) and I wanted to stay in "the happy place" but I could literally feel my blood boiling. BAM!! I'm yelling, he's upset and the day is shot, all this before 8:00am. Sometimes I feel completely ill equipped for the challenges of parenting. These little buggers show up with no instructions and every time you think you've got them figured out, they change or we change or something changes. I wish there was a go to place for all the right answers, but I know there is not, you just have to jump in feet first and learn from trial and error. Its just worrisome when you're in the error zone, you don't want to mess them up for life. After all thanks to Freud I know that 20 years from now, when they're stretched out on some therapist couch talking about being unable to commit or some other crisis, they will realize that everything is all my fault. Anyway, tomorrow is another day and we all get the chance to start over. What do you do with your kids? How do you handle the challenges?

Maybe I will have another opinion to share soon.....Be well.

Some more extra stuff about me:
I have a few girl crushes, nothing crazy, just people that I think are pretty kool. I love that Alicia Keys is the total package and I can listen to her music with my kids in earshot. Her new video for "Teenage Love Affair" takes me back to my college days. I'm digging how bad ass Rihanna is, daring to be different. I just read that she cut her hair way back when she first came out and the record cloning factory (company) made her dye it that pop star, black girl blonde, but this time around she simply refused. I love Majora Carter, founder of Sustainable South Bronx. She is taking environmental justice to the next level; Al Gore is checking for her. Visit her org's site at www.ssbx.org. My favorite album right know is Ledisi - Lost and Found. She is awesome. Oh yeah, I also love the word of the day from dictionary.com.

Just like me...

I have a 9 yr. old son and a 7 yr. old daughter and they are great kids. Both are cute, smart, funny, amusing and did I mention cute? :) But boy do they get on my nerves. They take forever in the bathroom, they won't get up in the morning and they won't go to bed at night. When they're playing together its loud and when they're fighting its even louder. I don't have enough arms to be able to pick up after them and if I am breathing I'm doing laundry. Uggg!
The other day my daughter thought is would be fun if we took turns pretending to be each other. She went first and as me, she started yelling at me and saying all of the things I say to them about what they are not doing. She was really scolding me. Well the whole thing stopped me in my tracks and I had an idea of what she and her brother must feel like when I am laying into them. I realized that while like every parent I get frustrated, that I need to keep that type of stuff in check. My issues are my issues and there is no need to share the burden with them. They are only doing the kinds of things kids do, making messes, being noisy, many of the same things I did when I was a kid. Hell, I still hate to get up in the morning. I have got to be more aware of how I talk to them and what I say. After all it is my job is to build them up, not beat them down. I want them both to be effective communicators when they have to fend for themselves out in the world and those lessons start with me. Our kids want to be like us, no matter what, whether we are at our best or our not so best. It is our responsibility to make the effort to be on the side of our best as often as possible.
I have a 9 yr. old son and a 7 yr. old daughter and they are great kids and I am lucky to have them.

Maybe I will have another opinion to share soon.....Be well.